Happy Now?

Years ago I named this blog "Happy Now?" because my best friend Dawn kept telling me that I was a born blogger. After quite the lull, I clicked over to see the 'old' posts one day, and was struck by the title.

I heard "Are you Happy Now?"

Gulp.

Okay, so when I stopped blogging, Seth was a baby, Ryan still had a job, and we were all living in a blissful state of 'knowing' what the future held. We were going to buy a house in a year or so, a newer vehicle, maybe take the kids to Disneyland in the coming years too. Our kids went to school across the field from our townhouse, only minutes away. A beautiful bubble to live in.

Until the job ended.
The mills shut down.
Ryan had to live apart from us for work.
We used our 'Disneyland' savings to go see a sick Grampa.
The school closed.
No one would touch us for a mortgage on a house with seasonal work.
We couldn't afford a loan for a more reliable vehicle.
The credit card balances increased with our stress levels.

For years.
More than THREE YEARS of our lives.
Gone.

I could spend a lifetime telling you how much God blessed us in that time, what we learned, how our family was sustained against the odds.

But for those three years, we just wanted Ryan to be here, with us- and a full time job (perferably with benefits).
We didn't care about the house/car/schools nearly as much as being together, and being financially stable.

AND THEN....

Ryan got a local job again.
We have a steady paycheck.
We started to think about a house, a new car, a trip...

And I heard.... "AREN'T YOU HAPPY NOW???"

My heart stopped for a minute while I realized that I currently have EVERYTHING I've been wanting so desperately for the last three years.

Why do I have to make a new list?

Things will need to be replaced, there are places to go, yes. BUT I don't want to spend my life waiting or wanting.

I want to spend my life in thankfulness for the things that I have. A home, full of beautiful and mostly unneccesary things, that don't need to be replaced. A family in good health, that are in healthy releationship with me. A husband who is able to provide for us. A vehicle to get us from point A to point B. A communtiy full of friends and even strangers that hug each other. A God who thought of it all.

So, although I know it will be an ongoing struggle.... I need to say it.

YES. I AM HAPPY NOW :)