If you've seen me lately, and I wasn't myself- it's because I have a bit of a broken heart right now.
My best friend is moving away.
I feel like suddenly I have a gaping hole where my joy used to be, and it's covered over by a temporary band-aid named Dawn. She is amazing.
I know if you keep a band-aid on for too long, even if it's a cool one, things start to go bad. You may have experienced it. Your skin dies and turns white. It's gross. No one wants to see it.
The skin underneath needs to feel the air, needs to heal itself. It needs to be uncovered, put at risk and used. It can't stay wrapped up in it's band-aid cocoon forever.
Some people try to take the band-aid off slowly, hair by hair, millimeter by millimeter. I've tried that. It hurts. A lot. And for a long time. I kind of feel that way right now.
Every exciting thought I have for her, each great new opportunity. It's another pull at my band-aid, reminding me that she's leaving.
Each time I hear one of my kids ask for a play date with one of hers, that band-aid peels a bit more.
Every thought of never going to watch the Bachelor with her, or being able to go for a walk and get my thoughts out. They all pull at my skin. Hurting me.
The thing is, that the only other option is to pull the band-aid off really quickly. That would suck too. To be left without the prep time, and to be shocked by the pain all at once. I'm not sure I could have done that.
So I'll keep trying to hold it all in. (Which I suck at, I'm a total crybaby lately).
I'll keep smiling and nodding, when I can't talk past my tears.
And I'll hold on to my band-aid as long as possible, wearing it out, before she eventually peels herself off of my wounded heart.
I hope it heals.
I will miss you, my friend. And I'm so thankful for every day we have had, and will have before the miles separate.
P.S. I am reminded of the time in grade ten when I was moving away from her, and Dawn and I decided to call the kids help phone line. It started off as a jokey thing, and within minutes I was bawling on the phone to a perfect stranger, about how I couldn't live without her. We remained 'best friends' through 15 years of living in different places, before we were blessed with this time to get reacquainted. I know that we'll make it for a whole lot more.
2 comments:
Oh Girl.... I sat here with my evening snack and clicked on your link only to be crying by line 2. "My best friend is moving". :( Unlike you... I think I haven't allowed myself "to go there" yet. Cause when I do... I'm a big mess... like right now! lol The thing is.. there are no words to describe what we have. Even your post doesn't even begin to cover it. It's a true..."once in a lifetime" blessing that God gave to us. I love how He keeps bringing us together EXACTLY when we need each other. Our Teen years... and our raising kids years. I know He'll bring us back together again. I bet it's in my "alzeihmer years"! lol ;-) No... I know it will be many times before that. lol I love you Be-Fri. So very much and I am SO going to miss everything about you. You have no idea how much your support and love mean to me. I know how hard this is for you. I feel it so much too and if I were in your shoes I wouldn't be handling it nearly as well. I HATE HATE HATE goodbyes. I have my whole life.. so I really tend to avoid them. I pretend they are not happening. I wonder if I'm in denial now too. I know God is leading and so that gives me such peace, but it forsure means I'm leaving behind so much that I love as well here. THANK the Lord I'm only going to be 4 hrs away. EASY PEASY girl!! I promise!! <3 <3 "Friends are Friends FOREVER if The LORDS the Lord of them. And Friends will not say NEVER cause the welcome will not end. Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's Hands we know. That a LIFETIMES not too long.... to live as FRIENDS." <3 you.
ohh my friend. I'm so sorry that you guys have to separate! I'm just happy that distance and space between doesn't mean the love and caring stops! Hang in there. Lovey ou.
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