Small things...and Love Languages

What a time I've been having trying to figure out my younger daughter. Although people tell you that you clash with 'like' personalities, she is quite opposite of me, and much like her daddy. Somehow I loved being the optomist to his pessimist, but it's so hard to parent that personality.

How do you weave thankfulness into a child who only sees what the other kids get, or what she didn't? How do you bring a smile to lips that don't want to smile if you want them to? I love her to the depths of my soul, and she very well could make a giant dent in this world- in a great way, but in order to do that, she needs to be loved, and loved well.

I've beed struggling, with my own human feelings, because I often feel rejected by her. If I touch her, she moves away with a dirty look. Same with snuggling, or kisses, or anything physical at all. That IS like me!! Lol! But, I love to express my love for the kids in those ways, and obviously that's not how she feels or needs to feel my love. So I need to suck up the 'hurt feelings' and find a new way to love her!

I LOVE the book titled The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It gives amazing insight into how you feel love, and how you may be showing it, as well as how you can figure out the way that others feel love. There is a version for kids, and although I haven't read it, the principles from the first one apply.

The Five Love Languages are:
1. Physical Touch. So I've already established that that's out for Emma.

2. Gifts. Everyone enjoys getting a gift, but for some it's a bigger feeling. Emma will say thankyou, but will discard or give her gift to someone else the next day. She's not connecting the gift with feelings for or from the gifter. So I don't think that's her love language.

3. Acts of Service. Emma often shows love in this way, which is sometimes an indicator of your primary love language. She will clean her room, or make my bed, or tidy up something to show me that she loves me. But if I clean her room for her, although she likes it clean, it's not something she'll mention or tell others about. It's not affecting her in a big way.

Then we get to the two that I believe Emma needs.

4. Quality Time: She like me to spend time with her. Doesn't matter what we do. Barbies, puzzles, coloring, baking, reading, walking, anything is good, if it's with me. (I realize that should make me feel great, but it is hard to find one on one time in this household.) Quality time does not count watching movies, or tv, just for the record. Somehow I have time for that, though, don't I? *sigh

5. The biggie for Emma: Words of Affirmation: A while back, for dinner one night, I made a place card for each of the family members, stating something I loved about them. For weeks, Emma would come up to me and repeat it back to me "Mom, you love my laugh and my dancing, right?". This went right to her heart, and she held it there.

The problem with Words of Affirmation, is that it's not about empty compliments. I need to be intentional about showing Emma the good in herself. There's a lot of it, but I think I'm going to keep a physical list, when I notice things.

This week, as I worked my way through these options, we had a tea party outside. She asked, I said yes, and got all things ready. We enjoyed a sunny visit...





...until a friend called and invited her over. She was out of there in 3 minutes flat, leaving me alone with the leftover lukewarm tea. Ahhh. Lol.

So, it really must be Words of Affirmation. Hm. Well, thanks, faithful reader, for allowing me to work this out in words.

If your interested in the Love Languages, click the link above to check out the site and all that's available. (SO worth it), and you can take a quick Love Language Test there too. Very fun, and insightful. I bet you'll be surprised!!

Blessings, all, and wish me luck as I try to show my baby girl just how much I love her!!