I've really noticed this week a terrible thing. You know the whole "Do unto others" thing? Well, I've noticed that sometimes the things we do for others, or ways we behave, are far better than how we treat our own family members!
My first eye opener was when I dropped Emma off at home the other day. I've always taught my kids (just as my Dad taught me) that when you drop someone off at their home, if you don't walk them to the door, you should at least wait in the car and watch until they have safely entered their home. This is a practice for us, and my kids have sat in the car with me countless times watching their friends walk up the sidewalk safely. We've discussed the reasons why we do this, and in fact, just a week ago, a little girl had forgotten her key, and would have been left outside, alone, in the cold, had we not waited. I slipped and broke my arm alone in the winter, and I would never wish that on anyone either.
Well, when I dropped Emma off, I was in front of the house, just stopped in the middle of the road. She hopped out, and crossed the road heading up to the snowbank. When some other cars came up behind me, I moved forward, pulling closer to the curb. I happened to glance at Emma, and she gave me the dirtiest look ever! I am pretty sure that she knew I'd be watching her all the way to the door, and when I began to drive away, she sure was mad!!
All was forgiven when I was still there, waving to her as she went into the house. But it got me thinking. I have been known to leave my kids places without making sure that (for example) the pool was actually open!
Another example is this. We've been having some serious issues with Gabe and his attitude toward his sisters. Snide comments, insults, undermining and mocking are not cool with me, and this seems to be a new facet of his personality. It makes me angry and hurt, trying to figure out where I've gone wrong or what is bothering him to make him behave that way. We've had numerous talks about it, but we haven't resolved anything.
Yesterday I got his report card. There is an area that says "I am respectful to everyone in the class (words, tone of voice, inclusive)." In this area, at school, Gabe is 'Fully Meeting' expectations.
Why? Why can he control himself and be respectful at school and not to his family?
This is NOT okay.
I have always been a firm believer in the fact that a 'safe home' is one where you can be your very worst. Why? Because your family will love you always and no matter what your behavior. Our home is that place. My children know that and I know it. Gabe can be mean or mad and he knows that we still love him.
At home, I'll say things to Ryan or the kids when I'm mad that I would NEVER say to a stranger, no matter how mad I was.
I understand as well that the people who can hurt us most, anger and annoy us, are those we care about. It's hard to sweep something under the emotional carpet when we think they should be loving us.
I guess in all this rambling, I am simply deciding to speak to my family as a whole about respecting one another. About the fact that although our home is safe and no one will ever be disowned or unloved, I would like it to be an encouraging place too. A place where we love all the good things about one another and overlook some of the bad.
I also want to look at myself. What things do I say to family just because I'm 'comfortable' enough to say it? Does that really make it okay? Do I think it's okay to be late all the time because they're my family and they love me anyway? Do I always expect them to pay? Do I 'let' them do the dishes every time we get together?
If I imagine that I was at a new friends home, I would behave in a much better way, and really... my family is SO worth the better me. :)
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