Happy Now?

I chose a dark blue font today because it reflects my mood. i had just gone to bed last night when I heard the phone ring. Ry came up from the basement and sat on the bed beside me. He said it was my mom, and that it was bad. GULP. That is NOT what I want to hear. I thought my brother or my Dad had been shot or killed, since they had been hunting. I'm not sure I've ever been so scared.

But it was my Grandma Grier. My Mom's Mom. She is super sick, and possibly had a mini heart attack. She's in the hospital in North Vancouver. Not doing well at all. Mom was to be flying up this morning.

When we were moving up here to Mackenzie, I decided to come up early (before our home was packed) so that i could visit with Grandma. She had never even met Emma before. It was a wonderful visit, and I'll always be glad that we came. Part of the consideration was "Well, you never know when it will be the last visit." But it's still never enough. how can you be ready to lose someone you love?

It's Thanksgiving, and as sick as it sounds, I can be thankful. I believe that my Grandma knows God, and so if she goes, I will be with her again. I can be thankful that she is getting good care, and that her family is with her. I can be thankful that it's not my Dad or my baby brother, shot in a hunting accident. Garandma is 80, we knew it would happen, but still, I'm not ready. Of course- it's not about me.

So anyway, who knows what God has planned. Maybe I'll get one last visit in after all. I hope so.

Ed and Manny get home today. They have no idea what's going on. That will be hard.

This is the fourth death this year in my family. It really doesn't seem fair. Fair shmair.

First, we miscarried our expected 4th child in January. Found out at the Ultrasound. That sucked. Had to have a D&C.

Then a couple months later, My Uncle Ken was killed in a work accident, pinned by a construction vehicle of some kind.

Then a couple months after that, My cousin Mark was getting ready for work in the morning, his two young sons with him, when he keeled over and died. I guess he had a heart defect, that no one knew about. He'd gone to see the Doc, and had a followup appt. coming. But not soon enough.

And now Grandma. I know she's not dead, and I hope she hangs on, (it's selfish, I know), but it's still a kick in the gut.

So there is my sob story. Obviously I'm feeling sorry for myself. Things could be worse. Much worse.

Maybe tommorrow I'll be back to my optimistic self. I hope.

Anyway, Hugs to all, Char